Aging with Humor: A Few Funny Thoughts & Stories

“Do just once what others say you can’t do, and you will never pay attention to their limitations again.”- James R. Cook

SOME SHORT THOUGHTS & HUMOROUS STORIES ON AGING

Aging gracefully and growing older should be fun. Here are some short thoughts and a few funny stories about aging.

TWO OLD GUYS AT A DINNER 

An elderly couple has dinner at another couple’s house, and after eating, the wives leave the table and go into the kitchen.

The two gentlemen were talking, and one says, ‘Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.’

The other man asks, ‘What is the name of the restaurant?’ The first man thinks and thinks and finally asks, ‘What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know…The one that’s red and has thorns.’

‘Do you mean a rose?’

‘Yes, that’s the one,’ replied the man. He then turns towards the kitchen and yells, ‘Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?


I’ve sure gotten old! I’ve had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.

I’m half blind, can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia.

Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.

Can’t remember if I’m 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends.

But, thank God, I still have my driver’s license.


ELDERLY MAN THINKS FAST 

An elderly farmer in Florida had a large pond down by his fruit orchard. One evening he decided to go down to the pond and took a five gallon bucket to pick some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard female voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in the pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, ‘We’re not coming out until you leave!’

The old man thought for a second and said, ‘I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies swim or to make you get out of the pond naked.’

Holding the bucket up he said, ‘I’m here to feed the alligator!’


I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor’s permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.


MEMORIES 

A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they’re physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. ‘Want anything while I’m in the kitchen?’ he asks.

‘Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?’

‘Sure.’

‘Don’t you think you should write it down so you can remember it?’ she asks.

‘No, I can remember it.’

‘Well, I’d like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so’s not to forget it?’

He says, ‘I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.’

‘I’d also like whipped cream. I’m certain you’ll forget that, write it down.’ she says.

Irritated, he says, ‘I don’t need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream – I got, for goodness sake!’

Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.

‘Where’s my toast?’

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